In the old days Shan woman used to marry at young age as early as sixteen. Man married at any age after sixteen but often waited until
eighteen or twenty. Usually it was considered proper and matched if husband was older and taller than wife. Even though parents wanted
to see their children get good husband and good wife they rarely tried to force their children to marry against their will. However
getting approval from parents for marriage was very important. Some boys and girls had to savage their love relationship because of
parents’ disapproval. Some ran away with their fiancé when they could not convince their parents and did not want to savage their
love-relationship. Sometimes parents cut relationship with their daughter who ran away with the man whom they didn’t approve but soon
forgave and restored relationship. Matchmaking was also quite common and done when the parents did not want their son or daughter
getting marriage with the one they didn’t like.
Normally when a boy fell in love with a girl and wanted to get marriage he must tell
his parents and asked them to go to the girl’s parents and asked her parents’ permission to get marriage. The boy’s parents would
then assign one or two or three people, on their behalf, to go to the girl’s home and ask for permission to allow the boy to get marriage
with their daughter. If the girl’s parent liked the boy and wanted their daughter to get marriage with him they may ask for “body-money”
(uM@cdif;) to pay to the girl’s parent to get permission. Sometimes they bargained for days or weeks and sometimes the marriage had
to be abandoned because of disagreement on body-money. Sometime body-money was too high and the parents of the boy could not afford.
Sometime cattle and other material were also included in body-money.
On wedding day when the bridegroom came to the bride’s home to
take the bride, parents usually sent out the bride with tears. Elders and parents gave blessing to the new couple before they leave
home. Normally the wedding ceremony lasted for three days; pre-wedding day, wedding-day and post-wedding day. Usually young people
from the village did all the cooking and celebration. The wedding expenses were usually born by the parents of bridegroom. Getting
marriage with sibling or closely related relative was not allowed and was condemned by society. The children born in the family were
a strong binding between father and mother. If wife did not bear children the husband sometimes took second wife. This may cause the
first wife to get a divorce. More often first wife did not object and willing to live on good terms with the second wife. If there
were children born by second wife, the first wife looked on them as her own and was very fond of them. Both women and men among the
Shan could divorce each other at will but divorces without deplorable cause were looked upon with disapproval by the society. Polyandry
was unknown. A woman giving birth without marriage was very much looked down by society. Single parent was shameful.
In the old days,
people were divided into two classes; high-class and low-class. SaoPha (chief), traders, goldsmith, and farmers belonged to high-class
people. Fishermen, hunters and butchers belonged to low-class people and they were not allowed to live together with high-class people
in the same village. They had to have their own village. Nowadays there is no such discrimination any more.
Husband is usually doing
leading role in the family. Wife must not be the head of the family or decision maker. If wife plays a leading role or holding the
string on husband the community look down on the husband.
Marriages and Courting
